American Freak Show: The Completely Fabricated Stories of - download pdf or read online

By Willie Geist

ISBN-10: 1401310524

ISBN-13: 9781401310523

“Willie Geist is one half Twain, one half Carrot most sensible, elements Heckle, and one half Jeckle.”
—John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, authors of Game Change

“I’ve learn laminated plane defense playing cards with larger highbrow heft. Turning severe: Willie Geist is the suitable man to chronicle our decidedly imperfect times."
—Brian Williams, NBC Nightly News anchor and coping with editor

In the hilarious manhattan occasions bestseller American Freak Show, Geist takes the clever, biting remark enjoyed through his tv viewers to new satirical extremes. The real-life characters who now hang-out our day-by-day lives are forged as stars in thoroughly made-up scenes which are frighteningly as regards to reality.

Geist offers us the 1st examine President Sarah Palin’s unconventional 2012 inaugural tackle, played survive WWE’s Monday evening Raw. We move contained in the ballroom for a Dean Martin–style welcome roast of Bernie Madoff upon his arrival in Hell, with Pol Pot serving as roastmaster. George W. Bush’s batting-cage-and-waterslide-themed plans for a presidential library are laid out publicly for the 1st time. And new for the paperback version, Geist places us within the room as Jesus joins fb, with the aid of a modern day messiah named Mark Zuckerberg.

From Obama to Oprah, Afghanistan to Lohan, Snooki to the Salahis, Willie Geist spares nobody as our host of this wild American Freak Show. You’ll chortle out loud whereas weeping for the way forward for the US.

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Extra info for American Freak Show: The Completely Fabricated Stories of Our New National Treasures

Example text

Elf-dog," hissed Gimlet, retrieving his beard. "Pig of a dwarf," suggested Legolam. " said Frito, becoming alarmed. "It seems there was this wandering dragon, and he comes to this farmhouse and the farmer--" "A song," agreed Gimlet and Legolam. "Of course," said Frito, and desperately trying to recall some of Dildo's doggerel, he began to sing in a squeaky voice: "A King of Elves there was of old, Saranrap by name, Who slew the Narcs at Mellowmarsh And Sorhed's host did tame. And with him marched the stubby dwarves Drafted from their mines, But when the fearsome Battle raged They hid behind the lines.

It turned easily, and with a loud squeaking the door swung open a crack. Goodgulf quickly scrambled down, and Arrowroot and Bromosel tugged the door open a few more inches. At that moment, a great gurgling and belching arose from the center of the pond, and a large corduroy monster slowly lifted itself above the surface with a loud hiccup. The company stood rooted to the ground in terror. The creature was about fifty feet tall, with wide lapels, long dangling participles, and a pronounced gazetteer.

If only I'd listened to my Uncle Poo-poo and gone into dentistry," whined Pepsi. "If I'd stayed home, I'd be big in encyclopedias by now," sniffled Moxie. "And if I had ten pounds o' ciment and a couple o' sacks, you'd a' both gone for a stroll on that pond an hour ago," said Spam. Goodgulf sat dejectedly before the obstinate portal, mumbling spells. "Pismo," he intoned, striking the door with his wand. "Bitumen. Lazlo. " Save for a hollow thud, the door made no sign of opening. "It looks grim," said Arrowroot.

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American Freak Show: The Completely Fabricated Stories of Our New National Treasures by Willie Geist

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